Vaccine Melidean
by Sweet and sour sauce
Summary: This is my first fan fiction, so you know what comes along with that, be gentle in your reviews and constructive criticism equals love! The first part is a dream sequence, so bear with me.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! This is my first fan fic. so be gental in your reviews! Btw, I'm sweet and sour sauce :P

Disclaimer! Jhonen Vasquez (My lord and master) owns Johnny and the whole 777 house thing... I think...

On with the fan fic!

_Vaccine Melidean_

I'm laying here naked (Don't worry, she's wearing undies.) in my bed, staring at my clock—10:41. _I should get some sleep. _That thought ran though my head and almost immediately a new vioce invaded my mind.

**_No! Sleep only brings uncertainty! _**The vioce was of a strange and confused man… he sounds eerily familiar… Like an old friend I haven't seen in five years. But that's silly, I'm twenty, I'd have to have met him when I was fifteen! Ha!

_**Laugh not at that which you can not prove to be wrong, Melidean!**_

"How do you know my name?" I gasp at the darkness of my room.

A dark figure steps out from the shadows; his features are undefined and very basic from what I can tell. He walks —more floats—to the side of my bed so the light of the clock can provide a better outline for him, "I am, as you thought, an old friend." He tells me in a vioce low and formal.

Something in the back of my mind is keeping me from freaking out; having a strange man in your bedroom is normally unsettling. But something about his vioce tells me to stay.

"Allow me to explain," His vioce grows more casual as he speaks. He flicks on my lamp to reveal his face, "I am your old friend Nny!"

I blink several times in an unnatural manner then rub my eyes to make sure I can see correctly, "Nny? Is that really you?" I ask the now recognizable form of my dear friend, scary thin body, dark blue hair, and, as always, very stylish boots.

"Of coarse it's me!" He hands me the tee-shirt on my near by dresser, again I have forgotten that I'm sitting here in my underwear. "I've grown a bit, but I haven't changed much." He gives me a friendly smile as I pull my head through the shirt.

"Wow, Nny, I can't believe you're really here! It's been so long!" I start to give him a hug when I remember I'm not wearing pants.

"I guess I caught you at a bad time," He starts to back away.

"Wait. It's not a bad time, just one of the many times of day when I don't wear pants!" while his back is turned to me I run to my dresser and pull on the first pare of pants I see.

"Heh, heh." Nny watches me do the pulling-on-my-pants-dance as he laughs dryly. "Oh, you always were a master of opportunity!"

"Yhea…" I thought dreamily of days past, the notes we'd pass in class, the hill we used to sleep on on warm summer night, and that one time at the bowling alley.

"I must say, it's a lot less awkward talking to you when you have pants on!" Nny laughed as I sat down on my bed and gesture for him to sit.

He sits closer than I originally anticipated, "It's been, what, five years since we've seen each other? What have you been up to?" I ask, curious to what his new history might be.

"Well, after I killed the new principal, I went home." He starts on the last day I saw him, I'd almost forgotten!

"I almost forgot they closed the school that day! I remember being exited to go home early!" I giggle at our past, making light of the man's death.

Nny smiles warmly again, then gets this serious look on his face, "Dea, I did it for you," He twitles his thumbs as he speaks, then he looks up at me with oddly loving eyes, "I did it because I knew you hated him, you despised him with every fiber of your being, even the way he wore his tie, so I killed him."

I can hear the sincerity in his tone; he did do it because he cared for me! It's strange but it's still affection! "Oh Nny, that's so sweet!" I lay my left hand on his as his thumbs have stopped twitling.

"You do realize I killed a man to win your love, right?" He asks as he adjusts his posture.

"Yes, but did you realize you could have just asked me out rather than resorting to homicide?" I brush some of his hair out of his eyes so I can see his face better.

He blushes a little, "I was shy, I was going to leave a note in your locker, but, well, you know." He looks down at his feet, the leather boots shine even in the dim light of the lamp.

"Aw, you're so cute when you're embarrassed!"

"You're just cute." He squeezes my hand, not tight, just recognition that it's there.

We sit in silence for a moment, enjoying each others company. Then I take a peek at the clock; it's 11:11! "Johnny, make a wish!" I tell him as I realize the time.

"Oh, right!" He closes his eyes and thinks hard, I wonder what he's thinking…

When he opens his eyes I ask, "What did you wish for?" He leans in close as if to hide a secret from the invisible people in the room,

"For your wish to come true." He whispers in my ear, he's almost made me believe someone is listening to us.

"But I didn't wish for anything." I remind him in an equally hushed vioce.

"Then I hope you enjoy your nothing." He turns my head so our noses are touching. I know what's coming, but I never thought it would happen until now…

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

My alarm clock.

I stare in disbelief at the ceiling. _It was all a dream?! But… It seemed so real! How else could Nny have been so perfect? _My memory returns to me (morning amnesia) and it makes sense. _Damn… I wish I had forgotten to set my alarm._

I figure I might as well get up; I'm not tired so I don't need to be in bed any more. The distance between my dresser and my bed is the entire room, more evidence against my dream. So far I have not been paying any attention to my room, I do this every morning, I could do it in my sleep. When I finally decide to look around I notice some thing in the corner. _JOHNNY!? _I the fist thought that pops into my head, but then I realize it's just my new standing lamp.

Sigh I dress in silence, little running through my head.

I live alone so I am used to quiet, but when I walked down stairs there was an unpleasant rattling. I open the window to see what's happening outside, and to my horror, there is a bulldozer out side!

Immediately I run out side, "What are you doing?" I scream at the operator.

"This building is up for demolition, we sent you a letter." He screams back at me over the noize of the machine.

Even without looking, I know I never got that letter, because I never check my mail. I beg the crew to come back tomorrow so I can move my stuff, they give me an hour.

Scrambling to decide what to take and what to leave, I never considered the fact that I have no where to go. But there is time to worry about that later. I take a big box; stuff all my clothes that still fit in it and my bed sheets. The only other things I have of any value are in the basement, and I don't think I could carry those up the stairs.

So with two seconds left to spare (I wanted to eat breakfast before I left.) I run out of my house and bid good day to my house numbers forever. _Bye bye 791, oh house of mine. _With that final good bye the wrecking ball hits the now heap of ruble I once called home.

"Well, where to go now…" I think out loud to myself as I walk down the side walk. _789? No, their dog is mean. _I continue on. _787… Darn, no one lives there. 785? Old people! _Shutter

After three more unspeakably horrible neighbors I come to house number 777. _Hmm… I don't think I've met these people yet. Might as well go say hi!_

The walk way is rather odd, there's a sign that says "keep off the loose soil, it's impolite to walk on the dead." And the door bell has "just go ahead, try and ring me." Written on it. _Very welcoming._

Despite the warnings otherwise I place the box of my remaining positions to my left and ring the door bell.

"Yess…?" A vioce asks from behind the door.

"Um, I'm your neighbor, and I was wondering if you could help me with something." I make up on the spot.

"If this involves moving furniture-," A skinny, sickly, figure opens the door. He stares at me speechless for a moment, as do I him. "Dea?"

"Nny!?"

Wasn't that fun kids?

No matter what, that ends up being longer than I intend it to be... Oh well. Hope you enjoyed it! If I even get one review I will write more! So keep that in mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay, I know I haven't gotten any reviews yet, but I'm adding this chapter any why. I don't want to just leave it lying around! So regardless of the fact that my fan base is none existent, I hope you enjoy!**

I suppose this is chapter two

"Well, this certainly doesn't happen every day, now does it?" Nny began drumming his fingers on the door.

"Um, yhea… It's also not every day that a wrecking ball hits your house." I try to explain the situation.

"Wrecking ball? When did we start talking about a wrecking ball?" Nny stops his drumming and look at me oddly.

"Well, this morning a wrecking crew kind of evicted me from my house." I stare down at my feet awkwardly.

"You know the strangest thing;" Nny rubs his chin thoughtfully, "My bunny was talking about you just the other day."

"Your bunny?" I give him a side ways look.

"I'll tell you later, but where are my manners? Come in, come in." He picks up my box for me and I close the door behind us.

We walk into the living room and Nny sets my things down on the table, "So, you're homeless then, ah?" He asks me as he plops down on the old couch.

I take a seat next to him, careful to avoid the spring sticking out of the cushion, "Yhea, I guess it does…" That hadn't occurred to me.

"Well if you need a place to stay, my door is always open!" Though Nny is being warm and friendly I sense something off in his vioce.

"Thanks, but I don't know. How big is this place any way?" From the outside it doesn't look that big.

"Well the main level only has one bed room, but you could sleep in one of the lower rooms." He proposes.

"Isn't it cold in the lower rooms?" I ask as I scope out the room. On the table next to my box is a book with the word "Die-ary" written on the cover, there's a light board against the wall with a drawing of a strange little stick man in the works on it, and stuck to the wall with knives are these styrofoam dough boys that have been elaborately painted.

"Don't worry, I have plenty of blankets you can barrow!" Nny breaks me out of my little scary room trance with those words.

"Um, right. Off topic, but what are these dough boy things?" I ask pointing at the styrofoam.

"Oh, I forgot they were there. It's Mr. eff and psycho dough boy." He tells me as if he's introducing me to them.

"Neat." I walk over to them so I can see the paint jobs better, "Did you make these, Nny? They're adorable!"

"I think I did, at this point I can't remember if I made them or if I found them when I moved in." He comes to my side and studies the dough boys as I am doing.

"There was stuff here when you moved in?" I'm not used to that idea, I guess I should though.

"Mostly on the lower levels, the previous owner left these huge contraptions in almost every room." He makes these weird hand gestures as he speaks; I'm not sure what they mean.

"Can I see them? This concept of huge contraptions is oddly intriguing." I ask turning to an open door way with an arrow pointing down painted on the door.

"Sure, I'd love some second opinions!" I start down the stairs and he follows close behind, "You know, I was thinking of putting down carpet!" He adds sarcastically.

I smile at the thought of Nny laying down carpet, the roll would squash him! He'd probably get stuck under it or something!

At the bottom of the stairs is a blank canvas lying on the floor, hanging on one of the walls is a painting of 'something.' I think it's a guy with no skin or satin, or something. "What's that painting of?" I point to the skinless man painting with two fingers.

"Something I did one spring morning." He speaks as though it was a painting of doves, "To be honest I'm not entirely sure what it's supposed to be, but I like it!" He speaks with strange enthusiasm.

"Have you considered putting it in a gallery or anything like that?" I focus on the painting, unaware of what Nny might be doing.

"I don't think they'd appreciate it." His vioce was closer than I thought, like he was on my shoulder, but I couldn't feel his body heat, how odd.

"Even if they don't, I do." I turn on the balls of my heels and Johnny is practically on top of me. "Uh…" I start to back away, (He's got that look!) but I hit the wall before I get any more than a foot away.

"Dea, are you alright? You look scared." He reaches out and brushes my cheek with the back of his fingers in an attempt to comfort me.

"It's fine, I was just surprised." I can feel myself blushing as his hand makes contact with my cheek. It's oddly soft, or at least softer than you'd think for Nny.

"Then let's continue on our little tour!" He takes a hold of my hand and gently urges me forward. Because I don't want to pull my hand back and run away like a normal person would do in this situation, I follow him and go down farther into the bowls of his house.

It was only then that I realized he was wearing a message shirt, but it kept changing. How weird is **_that?! _**As of now it says, "Do this stair way smell?"

I try to pick out all the grammatical errors in that sentence, but before I can we're in the secondary basement or what ever it's called. Nny is still holding my hand; his is colder than you'd expect a hand to be…

This is one of the rooms with one of the "huge contraptions" in it. It's like a slaughter house machine! _Holy exploitive bat man! I think Nny has gone nuts since high school! _((Sorry about the bad reference, I couldn't help myself.))

I stay calm, it's not like he made this! Plus, I have no where else to go. "So, is this a cow…thing?" I don't know the proper way to address whatever it is this thing is.

"I suppose it could be used for cows, but I've been using it for other things." He walks to the end of the little conveyer belt deely and I have to follow, what with the whole hand thing.

"What other things?" My paranoia starts to set in at this point. _Nny doesn't seem to be a Shepard so I think I should be nervous._

"Spare parts." I notice the lack of essential gears and buttons and such, "Some of the other machines need repairs from time to time." He explains.

_Paranoia, leaving. Comfort, restored! _It's comforting to know that this specific contraption doesn't work!

**Aww… She's not dead yet…**

**AN: Just to clarify, I'm not the one talking when you see the chapter titles and the things at the end... I think it's happy noodle boy possessing my key board or something...**


	3. Chapter 3

Victory! Some one finally reveiwed! Okay, I probabley should have mentioned this earlier, the story takes place as if Nny had never gone to the book store the day that Devi asked him out so basicly to second half of the story never happened if you think about it that way...

III, have a speech impediment

Nny's cold hand finally releases mine as he reaches out to inspect a small gear. It has nothing around it, just a lone, rusty, bolt off to its left.

I can help but notice Nny's shirt says, "Poor lonely piece of machinery." _How can a gear be lonely?_

"Hey, I was wondering what that sign upstairs was for." I tell him to break the silence.

"What sign?" He's in his own little world, messing with the gear.

"The one that says 'Keep off the loose soil, it's impolite to walk on the dead.'" I recall the door bell thing, but decide not to mention it.

"Would you want someone walking on you if you were dead?" He asks me almost accusingly.

"Well, no, but I don't see what that has to do with it." I say in a small vioce.

"One can only assume that there are dead people in the soil, I merely want to remind people of their manners." He stops fitling with the gear and looks me once over. "I feel people forget them too often."

My cheeks turn red again, this time from embarrassment. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be nosey."

"Think nothing of it," he tells me, "You have a place to call your own here, you are free to nose."

"Well then as long as I'm nosing, where will I be sleeping any way?" I look around trying to find a bedroom door.

"You could either sleep on the couch, with me, or on the floor in one of these lower rooms." This time he blushes a little.

"Are you hitting on me?" I try not to laugh, it's not that I don't like him; it's just kind of soon.

"If I am would you say yes?" His cheeks continue to redden.

"Of course, Jhonny," This time I grab his hand, "I'd be happy to!"

Good, this time I didn't make it too long :)

Continue reveiwing and I will continue writing, that's the trade off!


	4. Chapter 4

Huray! People are acnoliging my efforts! It's at least a start! Okay, the dough boys finally show up in this chapter, so if I get them confused please tell me, it's hard to tell them apart!

**_Time for the next exiting installment of Vaccine Melidean!_**

_Wow, this is like my dream! I wonder if it was a prophetic dream!? There's time to find out later, but now I have to think of something to say… or I could just stand here smiling and wait for Johnny to say some thing. I think I'll do that._

_… I think we're doing the same thing…_

"Why don't we go up stairs?" I suggest, "You can introduce me to your bunny."

"I'm sure he'd be glad to meet you." He leads the way up the stairs and I keep a good hold on his hand.

Living room

"I'll go make us some thing to drink; you can just make yourself comfortable." He leaves me alone so I take the chance to inspect the room. The light table has all these strange drawings on it of this little stick man; 'happy noodle boy' is the title. _I'll ask Nny about that later. _I'm a little tired so I stretch out on the couch, again careful no to sit on the spring. _I wonder what Nny writes in his die-ary? Heh, heh! I feel so sneaky! _Flipping through the pages I find his most resent entry.

_Dear Die-ary,_

_Mr. eff has been yapping on again about me killing myself, he's beginning to annoy me. Thankfully nail bunny came to my rescue with the whole 'you can still get help' routine. Still, I wonder what it would be like to be dead._

I can't read on, it's too weird, too confusing!

A vioce surprises me with the words, "Unsettling, isn't it?" I look up thinking that it's Nny, but I'm still alone, so I just put the diary back on the table, "I asked you a question!" The vioce sounds angry this time.

"Who did?"

"I did!" This time I see one of the styrofoam dough boy's lips move.

"How can styrofoam ask a question?" Rising from the couch I re-inspect the dough boys, the one that moved has 'FUCK' painted on its shirt.

"How can a lump of carbon ask a question?" It retorts.

"You're psycho dough boy, right?" I feel silly talking to styrofoam, but I also feel silly flirting with a crazy man so I accept it and continue talking.

"Smart girl, you pay attention." He notes, "Tell me child, what ever possessed you to associate with our friend Nny?"

"Well, we met in eighth grade when we were made lab partners. We had fun doing our little project so we kept hanging out after words." I explain to the mass of styrofoam.

"No, I mean what possessed you to come back?" He demands.

"Well, I have no where to go…" The feeling of loss finally sets in on me.

"What about the streets, hmm? You could live in a card board box!" He suggests.

"You're a mean little dough boy, you know that?" I poke his little chief hat.

"Yes, I've realized that, and Mr. eff never lets me forget." He admits.

"He talks too?" Mr. eff looks a bit less mean than psycho dough boy so I focus my attention on him.

"Of coarse I can talk, girly." Mr. eff reaches out at me with his little arms.

I can't help but back away, but before the little dough menaces can freak me out any more Johnny walks in the room whistling.

"Ahh, Johnny you're back, we were just meeting your little friend." Psycho dough boy waves to him.

"Yes, why didn't you introduce us earlier?" Mr. eff asks him.

"I wanted to give her time to settle in before I introduced her to the voices in my head." Nny tells them.

"If these dough boys are the voices in your head then how can I hear them?" I ask as I take one of the lemonades Nny is holding.

"I'm not sure." He takes a drink as he thinks, "Mr. eff, do you know?"

"Maybe she's just as crazy as you." He suggests.

"Um, I don't think so… Am I supposed to know if I crazy?" I ask, now unsure of my own sanity.

((Side note! The author is also questioning her sanity!))

Mr. eff ignores my question and asks his own, "Would you mind letting us down from the wall, these knives hurt."

"Fine," Nny pulls one of the knives out of Mr. eff's legs, "Dea, would you mind getting psycho dough boy down?"

"Sure," The little dough boy looks stiff again, but I can still tell he's looking at me as I pull the first knife out of his chief hat.

**_The moral of this chapter is don't put too many knives in your dough boys, or else it will take a long time to got them down from the wall._**

In case you're wondering, I wrote this like a week ago. I had a major flow of ideas so now I have like twelve more chapters just laying around, so if you want I could just post them all to save time!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Okay! Hello again, your favorite thing to put on fried rice speaking. I forget what happens in this chapter... I should probably re-read it... Does just that Okay! Stuff happens! That's all I'll say before you read it.

More happy fun time with my self dilutions!

Each dough boy only had three knives in them so it didn't take too long to get them down. Now Nny and I are sitting on the couch and psycho dough boy is still probing me for answers.

"How could you enjoy his company?" He asks, "You seem like a smart girl, what could possibly have clouded your judgment so much as to have made friends with someone like Nny?"

"Do they pay you by the word?" I ask, avoiding his question.

"No, they pay me by the insult." He tells me in appreciation of my humor.

"On a different topic, where's this bunny you were talking about?" I ask Johnny because psycho dough boy is beginning to bore me.

"Wait here, I'll tell him he has a visitor." _Heh, heh! Johnny sounds like a secretary!_

After He leaves the room Mr. eff tells me, "Regardless of the reasons it's good to know that Nny still has friends."

"I'm assuming by the looks of this place that he doesn't have many gests, does he?" I flick a little piece of lint off the couch as I say this.

"When he does they don't usually leave, if you know what I mean." Mr. eff jumps up on the couch next to me.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." I eye him oddly, him with his little styrofoamy body.

"That's probably a good thing," He reassures me as he pats my thigh.

"Alrighttt…" I take another sip of my lemonade uncomfortably.

"Who wants to see me?" I hear a little vioce ask from down the hall. Nny is walking along side a floating bunny head… _Eep!!! Me no likey the floating bunny!_

"Um, is that a bunny head?" I ask as I stand to greet Nny.

"Yhea, nail bunny this is Dea, Dea, nail bunny." He introduces me to the little floating head.

"Um, hi." I shake his bunny ear for lack of any bunny paws.

"Nice to meet you." His says in his little disembodied vioce.

"You certainly have an interesting little collection of things that talk that normally shouldn't, Nny." I point out.

"Now that you mention it, I do, don't I?" He looks around the room as though he'd never been there before.

"I'm hungry, let's get some lunch," I point to the door with my thumb. _I have to get out of this house! PANIC!!! _I don't let my state of mind show through for fear of Nny noticing how uncomfortable I am.

"What are you in the mood for?" Johnny asks me licking his lips.

"How about some Chinese food?" I suggest as I quickly walk to the door.

"Sounds good!" Nny walks faster than I do so he can open the door for me.

_Even if he is crazy, he is still really nice!_

Oh my god! People are still reading this!? oO

AN: Reminder, I wrote this a while ago and it's posted on another site and I had no why of telling whether people were reading or not, so I felt free to write what ever the hell I wanted! Hope that explains the 'Oh god' deely.

(Review nice people!!!)


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Celibrate every one! My tiny fan base has grown slitly! I now have six people reading this story (To my knowlege). But I suppose I should be talking about this chapter, shouldn't I... There's some 'that's defieing the laws of physics' type things in here... But then again, think about it, this story also has talking styrofoam! So get over it and enjoy the story.

I'm running out of chapter titles…

Some amount of time later (Food has been served)

"How can such a sweet guy like you still be single?" I ask after swallowing a mouth full of rice.

"What do you mean?" Nny asks looking up from his chicken.

"Well, you've been so nice, offering me a place to stay, buying me lunch, you know, that kind of stuff that nice people do." _I'm telling him to pay for my meal subliminally! I'm so clever!_

"Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with me being single." He pokes at his small side of rice with his fork as he speaks.

"Well, most guys as nice as you have already been taken. Have you been hiding? All the guys I've met in the last year and a half have been jerks." I finally get a piece of baby corn on my fork that I've been stabbing at.

"Don't think about them, they are merely unpleasant memories." I hadn't noticed until now but Nny has been inching ever closer to me as he eats.

Warming up to the idea, I scoot closer to him which catches him slightly off guard but he quickly regains his composure.

His cheeks are a bit blush but not as much as they were in his basement, "Do you want any of my chicken," He offers, "I don't think I can finish it."

"Sure, but are you offering me your chicken, or something else?" I ask, leaning in a little closer.

"You mean the rice?" He continues to blush. _((This is so out of character for Nny, but I'm enjoying writing it, so mgnuh:P))_

_Playing innocent huh? _Without even realizing what I'm doing, I rap my arms around him and start kissing his neck.

"Dea, Dea that tickles!" He half heartedly tries to push me off of him, but I can tell he likes it.

I stop for a moment and look up at him, "To sensitive?" I ask sarcastically.

((I'd add more to this scenario, but unfortunately, due to lack of thinking ahead, I placed them in a public place. So, through the almighty power of my audience not caring, we will now transport Dea and Nny to the living room of Nny's house. They're on the couch as of now.))

"Wait," Nny stares around the room with a confused look on his face, "Weren't we just in a Chinese restaurant?"

"Even if we were, the audience doesn't care," I remind him, "Now get back here and kiss me!"

"Fine."

"You make it sound like I'm forcing you to do this." I look him in the eye, "Are you ready for this, or do you want to slow down?" _((Aww… I wanted them to have sex…Darn my sense of decency!))_

"No, I still want to; I'm just a little confused." _((Hurray!!!))_

"Let's go to your bed room, that doesn't have dough boys in it." They were standing in the door way, little sneaks!

Nny glared at them and they ran down the hall, "Here," He offers me his hand, "I'll show you the way."

Tune in next time to see how I figure this out :)

AN: (Warning: Sweet and sour sauce is holding a long, pointy object that is currently pointed in your direction, I advise you to reveiw...)Friendly reminder, Review! You've read the story, you might as well! How long does it take, really? Two, three seconds to type 'can't wait for the next chapter' or what have you? So, please, avoid a pointy death and reveiw!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I decided to be the nice little person that I am and update twice today! Aren't I so nice! Any who! I kind of expect to get flamed for this, or at least lightly burnt, so don't be shy; I've braced myself for the insults. Besides, I'm an aspiring author, I need to be insulted!

**The bagel video**

The bed room is the first door on the right, so it doesn't take long to walk there from the couch.

Sitting on the bed I let go of Nny's hand, "So, this is the bed room?" Looking around the only thing that indicates it as a bed room is the bed. Other than a TV on an old stand the room is empty, there aren't even any pictures on the walls.

"I know. It's not very cozy but I haven't had much use for it." Nny explains as he takes a seat next to me.

"What do you mean," I half laugh at him, "Don't you sleep in here? I mean, that's what these rooms are commonly used for!"

"I've never been one for sleep." He tells me, "I find it only brings a feeling of uncertainty."

_Déjà vu! _"Um, this is going to sound crazy, but you said something like that in a dream I had last night." I inform him.

"Really? I'm not exactly the kind of person you'd expect to appear in other people's dreams," He stares of into space as he speaks, "I'd expect to be in their nightmares."

"Why their nightmares?" I'm beginning to think I know what Mr. eff was talking about earlier.

He looks back at me from his little corner of space, "Oh, no reason. I'm just not used to the idea of people dreaming about me." He explains.

"Well, I for one, hope I dream about you more often." Just to see what I can get away with, I place my hand on his thigh.

To my relief, Nny catches on and puts his arm around my shoulders. With my free hand I caress the side of his face and bring his lips to meet mine.

**Side note! The title, 'The bagel video', is a reference to a youtube video I saw that is just Jhonen Vasquez eating a bagel… Actually, he never eats the bagel; he more prepares to eat it… But you probably already knew that... I feel like a scary fan girl… :P**

AN: I hope you people enjoyed that and I hope you can see why I'm afraid of being flamed... Oh well, I'll update if you reveiw. And if you reveiw I'll be happy! Don't you want to make me happy?


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Celebrate more! I'm going to stop counting, but the number of readers has gone up, so be happy!

Squee finally makes his entrance in this chapter so if you're a Squee fan, also be happy! Lastly, I hope this chapter explains my pen name.

Look out! I'm trying to be clever! It's bound to back fire!

_I remember fantasizing about this in high school! _ I think as Johnny gently works his tongue in to the equation. _Wow, that cashew chicken must have been good._ Before I can enjoy the sweet and sour sauce the door bell rings. Nny and I ignore it, but they continue ringing away.

Reluctantly, Nny lets go of me and says, "I'd better get that." He walks quickly out of the room and I hear the door open.

Out of curiosity—and boredom—I go to the bedroom door way so I can see who's there. It's a small boy, no older than twelve. He looks malnourished and his clothes don't quite fit. He's not the type of company you'd expect Nny to keep.

"Hi Johnny." The boy gives a small wave as he walks in.

"Squee, where have you been?" Nny asks the boy who is apparently named "Squee."

Feeling I should know what's going on, I walk into the room, "Um, hi." I say to Squee, "Who are you?"

"Dea, this is Squee, he lives next door." Johnny explains.

"Nice to meet you Dea." The boy outstretches his hand and I see how thin his arm is from under his sleeve, regardless, I shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you too Squee." I say letting go of his small, adolescent hand.

"I hate to cut our introduction short, Dea," Squee informs me, "But I have to talk to Johnny alone." He sounds so grown up for his age.

"Alright, I'll be in the bedroom if you need me." I tell Johnny as I retreat back into the bedroom, the dough boys follow me, sensing how serious Squee was.

D-boy puts his—or what I think is—ear up to the door to try and listen to what they might be saying, I pull him away out of respect for Nny.

"You spoil all my fun." He complains and I just make myself conferrable on the bed.

"Do you guys have cable?" I ask them both.

"No, just local stations." Mr. eff tells me as he takes a seat next to me. Mr. eff seams—how you would put it— less evil than his counter part, D-boy. _I wonder what their story is._

"Any of them good?" I ask, picking up the remote.

"You've lived here all your life and you've never seen any of the public stations?" Mr. eff raises a styrofoamy eye brow at me.

"I never was much of a TV person," Regardless of my last statement I turn on the TV, "I prefer the internet."

The news is on, well, the whether, but it's the same thing. "What are they talking about? Rain? It's twelve degrees outside!" D-boy yells angrily at the TV.

"Do you even go outside?" I ask him as he throws a small ball of lint at the TV.

"No, but the pitter patter noise rain makes is annoying." He tries to justify his statement.

"Really, I like it. I find it calming." I flip the channel looking for something better.

"My god! You are so boring!" D-boy yells at me.

"You need anger management classes." I say coldly.

"And you need a better hair style!" D-boy jumps up and pulls on one of my dread locks.

"Hey, no one disses the dreads!" I pick him up by his little chief's hat and throw him against the wall.

He hits it with a satisfying 'thud' that you normally wouldn't expect from styrofoam. "I didn't know you were so sensitive about your hair, Dea." Mr. eff has just been sitting there, I forgot about him.

"Sorry," I rub my arm embarrassed, "It's just, I like my hair this way and I don't see how any one couldn't like it, know what I mean?" I say to no one in particular.

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind," Johnny says from the door way.

"Oh, Nny, how long have you been standing there?" I ask only turning my head, my body still facing D-boy.

"Not that long, only long enough to see you throw psycho dough boy across the room." He half laughs.

I turn all the way around, (Cough) "Sorry about that…"

He walks over and Squee follows him in, "Don't worry about it, D-boy will be fine, he's just styrofoam." He places his hand on my shoulder to show that every thing is okay.

With his hand on my shoulder I don't even notice D-boy trying to kick my leg until Squee picks him up and renders all his little limbs useless.

"Violence bugs me." He explains.

() (It's supposed to be a bug)

AN: Huh… I don't know what made me think () that looked like a bug… Oh well.

See previous chapter for threat against your life. **_(Review!)_**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Greetings mortals! How are you this fine March day? I'm fine in case you're wondering. Someone (I forgot who) brought it to my attention that I was writing poorly for our little friend Squee. Well (Because I'm a bad person) I decided that he'd be fourteen in this little story and at this point he's accepted the fact that his life sucks and he now embraces it so he can concern himself with other things. I also realize that I mentioned earlier that he looked to be twelve, that's because of the malnutrition. Any who, enjoy!**

More fun time with animated styrofoam!

"That's probably a good thing, Squee," Johnny reassured him.

"Put me down you scrawny brat!" D-boy furiously tries to wriggle out of Squee's grip with no success.

"Serves you right, you little menace!" I gloat to his scrunched up little face.

Squee places his hostage on the bed and he runs out of the room, ashamed he had been so easily over powered.

"Drama queen." Mr. eff adds dryly, still staring at the TV.

There's a brief pause and everyone just looks around at each other, except for Mr. eff who continues flipping the channels.

Just then nail bunny floats into the room, "What did I miss?" He asks as he approaches us.

"I have to help Squee with… Some home trouble," I don't think Johnny can find to right words, "I'll be back before dinner." Squee and Johnny leave the house and again I am left alone with the figments of my friend's imagination.

That was a short chapter…

**AN: REVIEW YOU LITTLE READING MONKIES!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I originally intended to have Mr. Samsa in this chapter; no such luck. Not much happens actually… but the next chapter won't make sense if you don't read this one.**

How many cockroaches does it take to drive you mad?

Sitting here in the living room, nail bunny to my left, Mr. eff to my right, and no one knows where D-boy is, but then again, no one really cares. Johnny and Squee have been gone for about an hour, and half an hour ago we heard screaming from next door. With little else to do we started playing monopoly; I'm the little metal hat.

"Your turn, bunny." I hand the little head the dice.

We figured that if you put the dice on the side of the table, and nail bunny pushes them off, it counts as him rolling them. So that's what we've been doing, sitting here playing board games, waiting for Johnny.

The die land on two and three, the floating bunny head moves his iron accordingly. Mr. eff picks up the die and rolls them around in his hands for a minute. "Do you think we should go see if they're still alive?" He asks in a mono tone.

"What do you mean?" I prop myself up on my elbows and look him straight in his painted eyes.

"You know, should we go next door and see if Johnny and Squee are still alive?" He repeats.

With a sigh I stand up, "I guess so. Do you think they'd want me too?" I ask, looking for an excuse to stay.

"I don't see why they wouldn't." Nail bunny looks up at me from the floor.

I start to walk to the door, but stop and look back at them, "You coming?" I gesture to the door.

"This street is messed up enough." Mr. eff says, finally rolling the die.

"I'll be sure to tell you if I die." I say sarcastically as I walk out the door.

It's about five o'clock and the sun will be setting soon, it's late November and unusually warm. The neighbor's house is two stories high, Johnny's house looks like a tall tree stump compared to it. Regardless of how towering it seems, I ring the door bell. For a while I get no answer, but then, just as I'm about to ring again, a boy with oddly greenish skin opens the door.

"Can I help you?" He asks, but I'm too busy staring at his horns to realize he asked me a question. "HELLO!" He says louder this time.

"Oh, sorry. Is Squee home?" I ask trying to look past the boy but he's blocking the door way.

"Yes, who are you?" He says with little emotion.

"Dea, I met him just an hour ago." I tell him and he steps to the side to let me through, "Do you know if Johnny's here too?" I ask walking in.

"They're up stairs. They should be down soon." He closes the door and leads me to the living room.

"So then, are you one of Squee's friends?" I ask the boy who has similar proportions to Squee, but his eyes are red and he dresses more like Johnny, all black.

"I'm his only friend," He corrects me. "I'm Pepito, son of Satan." He adds in an it's-no-big-deal voice.

"In that case I'm Dea, daughter of a drug addict." I say none too sarcastically.

"Dea, are you familiar with the fraise 'WHAT THE FUCK!?'" He asks.

"Long story, I'll tell you later." I assure him, "But right now there are more important matters to attend to." I start walking up the conveniently located stair case.

"Wait for me!" He demands and falls in line behind me.

Pepito:D

**AN: Okay, this time I will explain! Pepito is also older than he was in the book, I'm kind of playing around with all the character's ages because it's more fun to write it that way! He's more… I'm not sure how to describe it… He's more like I would be if I could do any thing I wanted. Yup…**

**REVIEW!!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Hello again! I'm updating like crazy today because… I'm crazy… Yhea… Enjoy the yummy chapter!**

Still Pepito:3

At the top of the stairs is a narrow corridor with three doors and a few pictures hanging on the walls. Looking down the hall I can see the tree in the back yard threw the window. One of the doors is shaking slightly.

I inspect to door, "I suppose they're in here." I whisper to Pepito who has been on my heels ever since we were on the stairs.

"Go on, open it." He urges me in a hushed vioce.

"I hope it's a moose!" I mumble to myself as I slowly open the door and peek in the crack.

In side it's a ghoulish scene, the floor is soaked with what appears to be blood and piles of 'things' are every where! There's no sign of any thing moving—or alive—at all, which wearies me.

Quickly I shut the door, not giving myself or Pepito enough time to fully absorb the chaos, "I don't think they're there." I squeak with my back pressed against the door.

"Yheaa…" He steps back just as the door starts rattling again.

"Ahh!" I practically leap forward and almost nock poor Pepito over as some one from in side the room swings the door wide open. _PLEASE BE A MOOSE!!! GAH!!!_

A figure completely covered in blood and bits of body parts steps towards us and we both start shaking. _It's not a moose…_

The figure wipes blood from its eyes and they look more innocent than I thought they would, like the eyes of a young boy. "You guys okay?" he asks.

"Squee?" Pepito stops shaking and slowly gets to his feet, "Is that you Squee?" He asks again.

"Who'd you think it was?" He asks wiping more blood from his face. **((You all thought it was Johnny, didn't you?))**

"Honestly, a maniac." Pepito answers.

"Oh, he's over there," Squee points inside the room.

Poking my head in I look where Squee is pointing and see a long thin figure standing in the corner, holding something with a crimson glint to it, "Johnny?" I ask trying to see past the blood and gore.

"Oh, hi Dea." He waves and as he does blood flies off of his hand.

Taking a step into the room I say, "I'm afraid to ask, what happened here?" I ask looking around at the carnage.

"Well it's a funny story really," Johnny starts wiping blood from his face much as Squee was doing, "Squee, you want to help me explain?" He asks, his face now clean of blood.

"Sure," He makes a little move into the hall way, "But lets get cleaned up first!" He suggests and we all follow him into the kitchen.

All of us—except Pepito—are leaving tracks as we walk; red, drippy tracks. It's rather unpleasant if you can't imagine, but neither Johnny nor Squee seem to notice, or if they do, they don't care. Pepito is obviously uncomfortable but he's trying to hide it.

"So then," I break the silence, "What's this 'funny story' I've heard so much about?"

As he turns the sink on Squee explains, "We were making dinner when my parents walked in, my dad asked who Johnny was and-"

Johnny cuts him off, "His father's exact words were 'Son who's that skinny faggot seasoning my chicken?'" He sneers as he rinses hands of the drying fluid.

"And you can guess what happened after that!" Pepito almost laughs as he says this.

Ha! You get no gorish detail:P

**AN: Don't worry! The next chapter will be funnier; I just needed to get Squee's parents out of the way.**

_**REVIEW!!!**_


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: For once, I don't have anything to say…**

Oh no! Here comes another chapter, look out!!!

"I'll give you a hint, it involves a butcher knife and someone's left kidney!" Johnny giggles. _How can some thing involving some one's internal organs be that funny?_

"I'm afraid to guess…" Nervously I start to back away only to bump into Pepito who seems to be doing the same thing, "Sorry Pepito!" I gasp.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." He stutters as he steadies himself. I can tell he's shaken by this but he's trying to be brave.

Squee, not sensing the tension in the room, opens the fridge and asks, "Anybody want something to drink?"

Staring at him in disbelief I don't even realize that I say, "Get me a martini."

"Dea, are you okay?" Johnny asks me, drying his hands and coming to my side, "I didn't know you drank, especially considering that you're only twenty…" He trails off.

I stare down at the bottom of a chair leg, too embarrassed to look at Johnny, "I don't know. I only drink when I'm confused and frustrated…" _How many times am I going to have déjà vu today?_

"Why are you confused?" Johnny asks, sounding like a child's therapist or something.

"You, the blood, the dough boys, that bunny," I shutter at the last one, "It's just all so weird, and it's a lot to take in at once…" I look back up at him and he has this expression of pure sympathy and understanding, not what I had been expecting.

"I almost went into a coma when I met nail bunny!" Squee chimes in.

"I ran out of his house screaming and killed a school girl just to calm my nerves!" Pepito adds trying to make me feel better.

"Don't drown in your problems," Johnny hands me a pocket knife, "Drown your problems in their own blood." He gently urges me.

Just imagine your home work drowning in its own blood!

**AN: I must admit, I _really _enjoyed writing that last line. If you enjoyed reading it, tell me in your reviews!**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Thank you for the reveiws! Keep them coming or _-pulls out long pointy object-_ do I even have to say it?**

The noodle commands you!!!

Taking the switch blade from his hand I feel a serge of inspiration go up my arm and spread through my whole body. _This will be fun!_ "Got any thing bigger?" I ask, curious to how heavily armed Johnny happens to be.

"But of course!" He pulls out a long blade from behind his back; it has a crooked tip and a frowny face on the end of the handle, the blade is still red from the horror show up stairs. He holds it as if it were a precious porcelain doll.

"This seems like one of those mushy moments," Squee interjects, _He's still here? _"I'll be in the living room." On his way out he grabs Pepito by his messy hair and drags him out of the room.

"Mushy moment?" I look back at Johnny and he has a distant look in his eye, as he is reliving some event that had to do with this knife he seemed to hold so dear. _Oh… Mushy, **point**, moment, like little bits of broken glass in apple sauce!_

Snapping back into reality Johnny put the knife down on the counter and we resumed our little discussion.

"So, you've got some stories about that knife, huh?" I ask, not sure what to say.

"Yes, but that's for another time. I'm sure the boys are bored out of their minds." He assumes.

"Yhea, wouldn't want to keep them waiting," I agree a little disappointed.

Sorry, I gots writer's block…

**AN: Mmm... Blood and apple sause!**

**This is needless to say, but none the less, _REVEIW!!!_**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Thanks to those of you who reviewed, here is yet another chapter of this hideous thing I call a fan fiction. Hope you enjoy!**

Behold the all mighty power only known as my fan fiction!

Taking a seat next to Johnny on the couch I notice that Pepito and Squee are sitting closer to each other than normal little boys usually do, their thighs are practically touching. I had completely forgotten that I was holding a knife until it almost punctured one of the pillows on the couch.

"Woops!" Immediately retracting my arm, I flip the blade down and put it in my pocket.

"Don't worry," Johnny flips the pillow over and I can see that it's been stitched up time and time again. _Great! People must have really sharp pocket change._

"Dea," Pepito says, "I've been meaning to ask, what's going on?" He and Squee share a perplexed look as I try to think of a way to explain the situation.

_Well… I forgot to pay my rent so they demolished my house. Then I ran into the arms of a maniac because I hate most of my neighbors… Yhea… _"She's moving in with me!" Nny explains before I can choose the right words.

"MOVING IN!?" They both shout at the same time. _Confusion in surround sound!_

Pepito almost leaps into the air and Squee just slumps down to the floor. "Moving in!? But we just met her!" Pepito yells.

"**YOU** just met her." Nny corrects him, "I've known her since high school."

"Then how come we haven't heard of her?" Squee asks, pulling himself back onto the sofa.

"Well, we haven't seen each other for a while." I explain.

"Then why are you moving in?" Pepito asks again.

"I kind of became homeless recently…" I'm not sure I worded that correctly.

"So now you're taking in hobos, Nny?" Squee asks, looking me over for hoboyness.

"I'm not a hobo!" I whine, "Some jerks just wrecking balled my house!"

And with that, I leave you.

**AN: I'm just going to go ahead and post another chapter. You can review if you feel compelled to do so. If not, -pills out drain-o- I may just have to use this.**

**(Please don't make me kill myself, review)**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Thanks to you nice little people that reviewed, I no longer have any long pointy objects with which to stab myself! Hurray! Okay, since you guys have been so good today, you get a special treat! Two chapters in one! I combined them because I got tired of having to write these author notes... ENJOY!**

Some where a hobo is preaching to his congregation of squirrels, but where are you? Sitting at your computer!

"So that's what that heap of ruble was!" Pepito gasps.

"What about it?" I ask; he looks guilty for some reason.

"Well, ah…" He sits back down and makes a face at Squee as if to say 'Help me out here!'

"Pepito and I were…playing earlier today and we found this pile of ruble-"

"My house." I interrupt.

"Right," Squee continues, "Well, we were looking for a private place to… uh, play and the basement was still there and in tact so we went down there." Squee stops and looks back at Pepito with a sort of 'You're on your own, pal.' expression.

"We found some weird 'stuff' down there…" Pepito looks at me like I have a cherry where my nose should be, "Did you even know that stuff was down there?" He asks almost sympathetically.

"Did I know what?" I try to remember what was in the basement but I'm at a loss.

Little did she know, the HOBO was in her base ment! Dun, dun, dun!!!

The 'thing' in the basement of doom!

"There was a freaking-" Pepito tries to remind me but he's interrupted by a defining rumble from out side. We all run out there to see what's going on. _Déjà fucking vu… _I moan.

Much to my dismay, it's the same wrecking crew that demolished my house this morning. The scene is eerily familiar, only instead of an early morning back drop, it's more mid sun set.

One of the bulldozer operators recognizes me and returns my groan, "How many houses you got, lady?" He asks me over the roar of the machines.

"It's not my house!" I yell back.

"It's mine!" Squee booms from his small lungs.

A man holding a clip board makes a hand signal that I'm assuming means 'hold up a second,' because after he does it all the machines turn off and the man walks over to us. "This house still has a legal owner?" He asks Squee in an annoyed voice.

"Yhea, why wouldn't it?" He asks, equally annoyed.

With a skeptical look, the man re-checks his clip board, "No, no body lives here." He says looking at the picture he has of the house.

"What are you talking about? I live here!" Squee reminds him.

"Seven eighty seven, right?" He asks.

"No, this is seven seven nine…" Squee corrects him, gesturing to the house numbers which are almost completely obscured by an over grown bush.

"Oh!" He hits his forehead with the palm of his hand to show he's made a mistake, "Sorry 'bout that! Ma'am, you _did_ pay your rent." He tells me, "We just realized that after you left. And I guess you all can get back to your lives." Then, all no-big-dealy, he walks away and all the other members of the wrecking crew follow him.

In shock, I just stand there for a minute. Johnny is trying to talk to me, I can't hear him. Pepito is laughing at the wrecking crew as they disappear down the road. Squee went back inside… I don't know why…

Finally, I come back to reality and the first thing I hear is, "…Would it make you feel better if killed them?" It's Johnny… _If **you **kill them? **I **want to kill them!_

_"You?"_ I cock an eye brow at him, "What about me?" I ask with a devilish smile.

Grr… Still no doom!

**AN: More to come. Or is there!?**

**_REVIEW!!!_**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Did you miss me? Well, I'm back (Yes, I left!) and I have another chapter for you! Act like you're opening your first Christmas present! Enjoy it as you enjoyed that little plastic army man!**

Doom! … I hope…

"Shmee wants to tell you something." Squee informs me, holding a tattered old teddy bear up to me. _I didn't even hear him come back out of the house! This kid must have really light feet…_

"Shmee? What's a Shmee?" I ask, taking the bear from his hands.

"That's his name." Nny informs me as I trace one of the bear's many stitches with my thumb.

"And you're saying that the bear wants to tell me something…" I ask Squee, "How can a bear talk?"

"He doesn't talk; you just hear his voice in your head." He instructs me.

"Um, Nny, is this relevant?" I ask, directing my attention to the skinny man.

"Don't be so quick to judge," Nny wags a finger at me, "He's actually quite the conversationalist!"

"Ooo-kay then!" I say, still skeptical. Regardless, I attempt to tap into my 'spooky bear telepathy' powers. _"Hi Mr. Shmee!" _I say in my head, _"How are you this fine day?"_

_"Fine, thanks for asking." _A ghostly voice in my head answers and I almost drop the teddy bear.

"Whoa!" I gasp, snapping out of my trance.

"You get used to it." Squee smiles at me, "Try again!"

"Fine…" _"So, what is it that you're so eager to tell me, Mr. Bear?"_

_"As I'm sure you've noticed," _Shmee has the voice of an old man, _"Our little friend Johnny is not the sanest peanut in the hand full. He's dangerous, Dea! Stay away from him!"_

Intentionally, I break the mental connection, "Could you guys hear that?" I ask Johnny, Squee, and Pepito who has just now joined in our little conversation.

"Nope." Pepito answers, sounding kind of disappointed.

"It's a closed mental connection; you have to be invited into the conversation." Squee explains.

"Can I talk to you telepathically," I hold up Shmee, "With out this little koosh ball?"

"Nope!" Obviously, Pepito has heard this before.

"Uh, let's go inside…" I trail off, stumbling to the door. Evidently, speaking telepathically takes a lot out of you…

Ooo! So close…

**AN:Did you melte it with a magnifying glass? If so, try and read this through your melted screen, it's kind of important.**

**I realize that you all want me to write about the 'thing' in the basement, well to be honest, I have _no idea_ what is down there. If you are a nice person and you have an idea, tell it to me in your _review_ and I'll get back to you. I was thinking something along the lines of zombie moose or something.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: There seems to be some confusion about my last author's note. I was talking about the thing in Melidean's basement! We already know what's in Johnny's basement! Besides, I'm starting from the beginning of JTHM (Though I am playing with the ages and the laws of space and time). You'll see what I mean soon enough! ENJOY YOU LITTLE CONFUSED PEOPLE!!!**

This message is approved by the internationally council of mongooses.

I had fallen over soon after walking threw the front door so Johnny carried me to the living room and laid me down on the comfy couch. Pepito went to get me some coffee and Squee is by my side, like I'm a patient in a hospital bed. Looking as though he had unfinished business, Johnny went back upstairs, I assume to the room that's drenched in blood…

"…And that's how I got my nick name!" Squee informs me; I'd been lost in my own little world and have no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I ask, looking back up at him.

"I just explained that my name is actually Todd, but every one calls me Squee…" He tells me in a small voice, as if he's disappointed. I don't think people listen to him often.

"As long as we're on the topic, want to know why Johnny calls me Dea?" I ask; that story is fun to tell!

"Oh, okay!" He perks up a little, he's probably been wondering why for a while.

**((AN: I hope you guys were wondering about that, because that's what I'm going to tell you!))**

"It all started back is middle school…"

(We're going into flashy backy mode, hold on!)

**Melidean was sitting in science class, messing with a stray flax as the teacher blabbed on about something involving the evolution of the polio vaccine. The class was divided into eight tables, each table seated two people; lad partners. The person Melidean was currently paired with was an unpleasant girl by the name of Janet who would not shut up! Even now she was whispering something about her boyfriend or lack there of…**

**Even though Melidean was visibly bored, she was exited because they were getting assigned new lab partners that day. She could not stand another day of this chick. She had the urge to stuff the flax down Janet's throat.**

**The teacher finally stopped blabbing on about the crippling disease and started to read off the new lab partner list, "Kim and Genevieve, Johnny and Janet-"**

**"What!?" Janet sprung from her seat and stared to argue with the teacher, saying things about how that was sexist and that he should change it. She was obviously wrong, but she spoke so confidently that the teacher didn't notice and changed the list immediately.**

**_What's with that girl? And why doesn't she like Johnny? He seems nice enough to me! _Regardless of Melidean's opinion, the teacher began to read off the new order of the list. "Johnny and Melidean, Janet and the standing lamp in the corner, Bobby and Tina…" Even though she was now paired with an inanimate object, Janet seemed happier than she had been. _Weird…_**

"So, wait," Todd interrupts me, "She was paired with a standing lamp!?"

"Yay, she was so annoying that no one else would work with her," I explain, "But if you looked closely you could tell, the lamp wanted to kill her too." I say, very seriously, "Any who, back to the story!"

**After the new list was read off, Johnny moved all his stuff over the Melidean's table, much as other students were doing.**

**"Well hello there." He said, watching her play with the flax.**

**"Hey." She lightly waved with just a small movement of her wrist, "It's Johnny, right?" Melidean asked, looking up at the boy with bags under his eyes.**

**"Please, call me Nny," he requested, "It sounds less formal."**

**"Kay…" She gave his an odd look, then added, "Aww, I don't have a cool nick name!"**

**"How about… Dea!" Nny snapped his fingers in triumph.**

**"D?" She asked, thinking it was odd to have only one letter in your name.**

**"No, D-e-a. Dea!" He reiterated.**

**"Oh, I get it!" Dea let go of the flax and turned her full attention to Nny, "Good work Mr. Name it!" She laughed as she gave him a thumbs up.**

(Back to none flashy backy mode!)

"So that's how I got my nick name!" I sit up on the couch as Pepito hands me a cup of coffee.

"How you did what?" He asks me as he has just walked into the room.

"Never mind." Todd says, patting the seat next to him as a gesture for Pepito to sit.

Taking the invitation, he sits, then adds, "Once Johnny comes back you guys want to go see Hell?" He asks like he's said 'Wanna go to the fair?'

"Sure!" Todd says happily, "You know I'm always up for a trip to the under world!"

"Um," I look at them both oddly, "Are you two high? How are we going to go to Hell?" I ask, taking a sip of my coffee.

"Son of the devil, duh!" Pepito reminds me.

"Oh yhea, I was under the impression that my life was normal for a second…" I say sarcastically from over the rim of my coffee mug.

"Never again shall it be!" Johnny laughs from the door way.

"Oh, you're back, Nny!" I put the mug on the coffee table and get up to greet him.

"What's this I've heard about Hell?" He asks as I give him a hug.

"We were waiting for you so we could go there." Pepito tells him as he starts to walk over to the front door.

"Come on every one!" Todd practically sings as her skips over the where Pepito is standing with the door open.

I think we lost Bob during the flash back…

**AN: Poor Bob, he shall be missed… ANY WHO! I got's another chapter for you! It has nothing to do with anything, but I thought it was funny so I'm making you read it anyway!**

With little else to do, I jump off a building to avoid the boredom.

On our way to Pepito's house

Pepito is leading the way; Todd is walking _really _close to him, again, closer than normal little boys usually walk together. Johnny and I are hanging back a little, giving them their privacy.

"So, what have you been up to?" I ask Nny, tired of staring off into space.

"Oh, you know, living day by day, barley scratching by, protecting little kids by killing their pare- I mean, uh, leading the church choir on Sundays…" He stops awkwardly.

"Huh, I never thought of you as a religious person…" I imagine Nny in a nun outfit and smile to myself.

"I really only go there for the free wine," He jokes.

"Heh, heh! (Offensive material deleted for your safety)" I continue to laugh.

Nny just stares at me, a look of horror on his face.

Mwa, ha, ha, ha! Short chapter!

**AN: Okay, I'll admit that that had nothing to do with the story ('sep for the journey to hell) but I just had to type it for my own sick pleasure. And yes I realize Johnny would never say that, again, this was for my own amusement; not yours.**

**Review! It is law! And if you don't want to do it to make me happy, do it to make me feel like I've sinned. (Writing badly is a sin!)**


	18. With any luck, the bagels won’t be stale

**AN: Good morning! Yesterday was my birthday! Woo! So I decided to be a nice little author person and indulge you in your enjoyment of this… 'thing' I call a story! Enjoy!**

With any luck, the bagels won't be stale in the morning.

We finally reach Pepito's house and, to my surprise, it looks like any other suburban house hold! No brimstone, it's not on a hill top, no strange warning signs. It definitely doesn't live up to my expectations.

A squirrel runs into the drive way and bursts into flame.

We all look over at Pepito.

"What?" He whines, "It looked like it knew what we were doing!"

"What are we doing?" I ask, still staring at the strange horned child.

"Oh nothing," He answers sarcastically, "JUST GOING TO HELL!!!" He says unnecessarily loudly.

"Right, right," I look the house over again, "And where, prey tell, is the entrance?"

"Right this way!" Pepito throws the front door open.

Again, the inside of the house doesn't look anything like how I had imagined. A simple entry way; a small table with a few family pictures and a sitting area with a coffee table in front of the couch. No pentagrams, no goat heads, very clean...

"Pepito!" A woman asks from the kitchen. She sticks her head out of the door so she could see us, "Who are your friends?"

"Squee, Johnny, and Dea." Pepito points to each of us as he says our names.

"Hi," I wave to her, "I'm new."

"So that's why I don't recognize you!" She says in realization. "Come in, come in! Make yourselves at home! I'll be out with some snacks in just a minute!" With that she slips back into the kitchen and we can hear furious cooking.

"You have a nice mom Pepito." I compliment.

"If you need us we'll be in the basement mom!" Pepito calls into the kitchen.

The cooking sounds stop abruptly, "Don't go down there sweetie! Your father is doing important work down there."

"Aww..." Pepito groans.

"I guess we'll have to come back later..." Squee says and opens the door again.

"There's just no reasoning with father." Pepito explains.

"B-but then you just wasted twenty minutes of my life!" I whine, but still follow him out the door.

"Trust me, there is **no **reasoning with him." Pepito says again and starts to continue in the direction we were going.

For a while none of us said anything, it was really boring. We just walked along, none of us really knowing where or why we were going. Just walking around… and around… Eventually we found ourselves downtown. We must have been walking for hours! It really didn't feel like it though… Odd…

"Since we're here," Nny was the first to break the silence, "Any one want to see a movie?"

"What's playing?" I ask, looking around I realize we're in the loop.

"I think there's something about a serial killer or something along those lines out." Pepito joins in and starts down towards the Tivoli.

I shrug, "Sound good to me."

NO!!! The bagel is stale! NOOO!!!!!!!!

**AN: Now I realize some of you may be disappointed, but I got an idea and Hell was not involved so yhea… Hell will be brought back later, but not now.**

**Side note: Anyone else live in St. Louis? I love the loop!**


	19. The movie

**AN: Sorry little fiction fans! I haven't posted in forever... Blame the all dictating block of writers! This chapter kind of bugs me. -glares at chapter- There's just something I don't like about it... Oh well! Maybe you people will enjoy it!**

The movie what ate my tomato

Pepito looks over a Nny with a look of strange anticipation in his eyes. After a moment of this staring and walking, Nny finally says,

"Hey," He points up to the night's sky, "Is it just me, or does it look like that constellation is flipping us off?" He has a dreamy tone to his voice, as if reciting poetry.

_Is this honestly what my life has come to? _I almost slap my forehead, but then I look up to where Nny's pointing and it does look distinctively like the stars are flipping us off! _I guess it is… _-sigh-

Forgetting that I was walking and there for should keep my head up, I look down at my watch to see how weary I should be for muggers. It's only 10:02! _Wow, I could have sworn it was past 1:00!_

"Who's paying for this one?" Pepito asks, patting his pockets to show he has no money.

"I got it." I raise my hand just for the hell of it. I figure I may as well get on the kids good side if I'm going to be living with Johnny.

Todd rubs his belly and his stomach growls, "Can we get snacks?" He asks in a small voice, as if expecting disappointment.

"Would I let you go hungry?" I ask jokingly as we approach the theater.

-An attempt to save printer paper!-

So we buy our tickets then haul our mini mountain of snacks to the four seats in the very back of the theater. Johnny is to my right and Todd to my left, Pepito is the one on the far left end. He has just a box of junior mints, Johnny's got a cherry flavor sucky, and I have some crunchy bunchy **(That's what I call it)**. Todd is the only one of us that bought more than one thing; I'm not sure, but I think he got one of everything, and he's not waiting to eat! The second the cashier handed him the bag of popcorn it was half empty.

Todd had already gone threw two bags of popcorn, a bag of sour tracks, and a plate of nachos, by the time the lights dimmed.

The opening sequence was shot in that weird 'old' style where the film 'skips' and there's little blotches on the screen, that kind of thing. It was either a really good effect, or they actually used three hundred year old film, because the whole movie turned out to be shot that way; after a while, it hurts your eyes… By the time it was over I had a head ache!

Threw out the movie both Johnny and Pepito kept 'pfft' ing and going 'feh!' at the screen, as if the actors where doing something wrong. Now I'll admit, the acting was poor at best, but it was more like they weren't doing something right… I'm not sure how to explain it.

-Back to annoying detail that takes forever to write! **WOO!!!-**

"Well…" At this point the credits are rolling, "Who else wants to decapitate the piles that made this?" I ask as I check to see if everyone is still awake.

Aww… Sleepy Johnny! So cute:)

**AN: Originally, 'Aww... Sleepy Johnny! So cute:)' Was going to be 'Yes! The actual screen ate my tomato!' But I figured that made more sense with the chapter.**

_**(As always) REVEIW!!!**_


	20. Behold again!

**AN: Good morining to you, my favorite hoblins! I wasn't quite done with this chapter, but I was thretened with greasey bacon so here's another chapter!**

_**Behold! I have been reincarnated as myself!**_

"Heh, tell me about it!" Pepito sneers, "You can't choke someone with their own hair! Unless of course, you stuffed it down their throat!" He laughed manically.

_Note to self: No more sugar for Pepito, he's peppy enough as is._

"Whoa! It continues to amaze me how bad they can make a seemingly good idea!" Johnny comments, still watching as the credits roll up the screen. For a piece of shit a surprising number of people worked on it.

With a yawn I stand and stretch. Todd is half berried/stuck to his seat with all the empty snack bags and boxes around him. I think there's a milk dud in my hair… "You need any help with escaping that, Todd?" I ask and offer my hand to him. Gladly he takes my hand and pulls himself out of the candy mountain. **((Anybody else seen that youtube video?))**

"Let's get out of here before the sound track to this is stuck in our heads." Pepito suggests as he starts down the stairs. Now that someone has pointed it out, I realize that to only sound coming from this torture they call a movie is an irritating violin squeaking with no signs of ending any time soon. If I'm not mistaken, it's actually getting louder.

"Agh! These people have sinned against humanity!" Todd whines as he covers his ears and runs after Pepito.

"Heh, he'll be good at this by the time he's old enough to bitch." I smile at Todd as he and Pepito run out of the theater. "Shall we Nny?" I asked, almost forgetting he's there.

"Right!" Nny stands up quickly and we start walking down the row of seats when suddenly there's a loud rumble. **((Don't worry, it's not what you think.))**

I look back at Nny; the sound came from his direction. He's rubbing his belly. "Uh, let's get some food before we go home." He proposes and I nod.

-Out side the theater- **((Man, I love these little '- -' things, they make my job oh so much easier!))**

The pair of strange little boys are waiting out side the theater for me and Nny, _such nice boys_… _Whoa! That was a really 'old person' moment just then!_

"Todd and I are gonna head home," Pepito tells us, "It's 12:19 so it's past my curfew." **((Side note! (I think this is the last one!) All these times are accurate to the times I'm writing them! Scary, no?))**

"Bye." I wave as they walk away in the direction we came from. _I hope they have money for a cab or something!_

"Hey, lets get something at that taco smell." Nny pulls at my sleeve to get my attention.

"Oh, right!" I laugh, having forgotten my own stomach. We walk in and again Nny holds the door for me.

**_Oh no! The screen is after my cookie now! RUN!!!_**

**AN: I know, I know. That was super short. But I -will- post another chapter -soon-. So be happy!**


	21. Beware!

**AN: Explanation! This chapter was originally going to be a song fic. too, but then it wouldn't really make sense with the story so instead you get this! It was going to be to a Gnarls Barkley song, so that explains the title... I hope... **

**This one finally starts following the** **JTHM story line so be happy! **

Beware, Gnarls is after your Sweetish fish!

Is it strange that I've never been to a Taco smell before? I've just never had much of a taste for Mexican food. I suppose this should be interesting then!

The restaurant is fairly busy, only two tables open, though it's surprisingly quiet. I guess people aren't very talkative at midnight.

We get in line behind a horribly fat man and I start tapping my foot, waiting for him to order. He's yelling something about how he wants more of the special sauce; the teenager behind the counter just quivers in fear as he yells. _Poor kid… Better him then me though!_

"You want anything?" Johnny asks, breaking me out of my little zone.

"Hm? Oh, no I don't think so. Those candies are surprisingly filling." I'm lying. I'm starving, but I don't want that greasy teenager touching something I'm going to eat. For all I know he pissed his pants while that guy was yelling at him.

"Alright then." Johnny turns to the boy behind the counter; before to long he gave in and threw some special sauce at the fat man.

"Welcome to taco smell," His voice is squeaky like a violin played by a tone deaf monkey, "how may I help you?"

"Just hand over a taco." Johnny says coldly, showing no emotion in his words.

The boy backs away from the counter a bit. I can just imagine what must be going threw his head- _What did the manager say about scary customers? Beat them with a stick? No… Smile and nod? That sounds right…_

"Yes sir." The boy squeaks and zips off to the kitchen to fill the order. They must be under staffed at this time of night.

A woman wearing a long coat and glasses walks up behind us to wait in line. She's eyeing us both oddly, but thankfully says nothing.

Visibly over whelmed and stressed, the boy comes running back, taco in hand. "Here you go sir." He says quickly and hands the Mexican treat to Johnny.

"Thank you." Johnny says simply and tosses him exact change. Not giving the cashier any time to react, he walks off to one of the open tables. Not wanting to stand around like an idiot, I sit across from Johnny in the booth he's picked. My back is to the entrance, if that matters at all.

"How's the taco?" I ask, simply trying to make conversation.

"It's okay." His words are muffled due to a mouth full of the spicy meat.

A thought runs threw my head. _Dear god! It's 12:28 and I have work in the morning! _Man that took a while to register…

"Oh dear god!" I gasp, out loud this time.

Johnny looks up from his taco with a confused expression, "What? Is there something on my face?" He asks, whipping at his nose once.

"Huh? No, it's just I have work in the morning and, well, you know. I really shouldn't be out this late." I start thinking about what my boss might do to me if I fall asleep on my keyboard.

"We could go home if you want," Johnny proposes, "I can eat and walk at the same time."

"No, you stay here and enjoy your taco. I'll get a cab and meet you at home."

"You're already calling it home!" Johnny laughs as I get up to leave.

"Heh, I guess I am!" I smile as I turn and walk out of the restaurant. Just as the door closes I see out of the corner of my eye that the woman in the long coat and glasses is talking to Johnny. _Huh, I wonder what that's about…_

Luckily for me this city is insomniatic so the taxis are running from four AM to two AM. I'm not sure what the point of the two hour break is but I'm not usually out at three so it doesn't really matter to me. Needless to say, a cab stops in front of me the second it sees me wave my arm.

"Where you off to?" A very stereotypical taxi driver asks.

"777." I tell him and I feel the shiver go down his back. He turns his little shrine statue thing around so it can't see us. _Okay… that seemed pointless…_

"Did you say what I think you said?" He asks, staring down at the wheel, hands shaking a bit.

Thinking fast, I lie, "Uh, no. I'm sorry, I ment 77**9**, not 777."

He lets out a sigh of relief then starts driving. I just stare out the window, watching the stars go by and squint as we pass light posts. Before I know it the cab stops in front of Todd's house.

I pay the driver and exit the vehicle. He drives away and I watch as he goes, for some reason I don't want him to see me go into Johnny's house. The red tail lights finally fade out of view and I figure I'm safe. With a sigh I look up at Todd's bed room window before getting off his lawn. To my surprise, my gaze is met by both Pepito and Todd. They look worried…

_Johnny's not here! Duh! _I feel like slapping myself. They must be wondering where he is. I wave to them to come outside and they disappear from the window only to reappear in the front door way seconds later.

"Hi boys!" I wave as they come running over to me.

"Where's Johnny?" Pepito asks first.

"Taco smell."

"And you aren't with him because…?" Todd leaves the question open ended.

"I have work in the morning and I don't want my boss brutally murdering me." I say in a pretty emotionless voice, getting tired.

"Phew…" Pepito sighs, "We thought Johnny might have flipped out on you."

"Who might have what?"

Gobble!

**AN: I hope that makes up for all the short ones I've done.**

**_REVIEW!!!_**


	22. Because it is required by law

**AN: This chapter was the first time I ever had an idea of what I was going to write before I wrote it. Usually, I just start writing and see what comes out. But not this time! This time that thing they call a 'brane' was used! ENJOY!**

Because it is required by law:

My mind starts racing. _What are they talking about? Am I missing something really obvious here?_

I open my mouth to question again when I'm interrupted by a single crack of thunder. Immediately it starts pooring and within seconds all three of us are drenched!

With a squeak, Todd runs back in side; Pepito hisses at the sky before running after the scrawny boy.

Considering that I'm already soaked to the bone, I take my time as I make my way back to my new home. Going to open the door, I see that it's ajar. "Hm?" I murmur softly to myself. Out of curiosity, I quietly push the door open and peer inside, still standing in the rain.

What I see is a young girl, probably thirteen or so, and a man, maybe in his early thirties. The girl has short wavy brown hair and is wearing a grey hoody. Pretty casual where as the man is wearing a suit jacket, jeans, and a tie. Not really a formal suit, more of an emo type suit/jacket. His hair is black and a bit hangs in his face. He has glasses on, though I'm not sure if he needs them or not; he's wearing them on the end of his nose, not really looking threw them.

They're arguing about something, not sure what…

"…expect these people to be able to follow the story when you're so unclear?" The man asked, pointing to a sheet of printer paper with text on it. I missed the first part of his question.

"I'm clearer than you ever were!" The girl retorts. "At least my character has a shred of common sense!"

"Speaking of characters, what were you thinking with that Pepito and Squee are gay sub-plot? And those times you were writing for Johnny?" The man asks quickly, glaring at the girl.

Keeping a confident expression, the girl calmly states, "All that was written before your story line started. I was just inferring."

"Inferring!?" The man questions, "Don't you mean twisted into something fowl?"

_Okay…There are crazy people in Nny's house._ I'm torn between standing out in the rain and confronting the angry pair. _Die of pneumonia or get stabbed to death? Decisions, decisions… Let's go with the faster one._

Slowly and as quietly as I can, I tip toe into the house and hurriedly sneak past the two. They're both too wrapped up in their argument to even notice me. Retreating into the bed room, I scan the room for dough boys and weaponry. No sign of either dough thing; all I find weapon wise is the switch blade I've had in my pocket this whole time…

_I wonder if they're armed._ I lean with my ear pressed against the door, trying to listen again.

"…everything after the moose thing was okay," The male voice admits, "but before that everything was pretty insufferable."

"I can agree with that, Jhonen." The girl says plainly. I can hear them moving around, but I don't dare open the door.

After a moment of silence, Jhonen says, "Why didn't you change it then?"

There's a pause. _Man, what are they talking about!?_

"Well, I already had people reading it. I didn't want to confuse them and torture them with actual plot development!" The girl half whines, half questions as if looking for confirmation on her statement.

"What ever happened to that Shmee thing?" Jhonen changes the subject.

"Uh…" Another pause. _I suppose now is as good a time as any, ah?_ Flipping the knife up, I kick the door open. Both of the intruders gasp and look in my direction.

"Okay!" My voice is slightly raised, "Who are you and why are you in my house!?"

"Dea-"

I cut the girl off, "How do you know my nick name!?" I ask, pointing the knife at her.

With a very 'blah' expression, the girl waves the sheets of printer paper at me in a gesture for me to read them.

With my unarmed hand, I take it from her and read the title. _Vaccine Melidean? What the fuck is going on!?_

Before reading on, I give her an odd look. She's looking at Jhonen—Jhonen's being boring. Back to the paper!

**_"I'm laying here naked (Don't worry, she's wearing undies.) in my bed, staring at my clock—10:41. I should get some sleep."_**

My face goes flush and my hands start to shake.

"Sit down, Dea. This may take a while." The girl gestures to the couch.

"I'll make some ramen." Jhonen starts toward the kitchen, "You want any? Madeline? Dea?" He asks us both.

"S-sure…" I'd almost forgotten my stomach in all the confusion.

"No thanks, I had ramen for lunch." Madeline waves the suggestion off. Jhonen disappears down the hall and I sit down on the couch, still clutching the sheets of paper.

Madeline sits down next to me and as she does her hair bobs up and down a few times. "Now I realize this must be very confusing-"

"You have a stalker too?" I ask sarcastically.

"Just look at the story." Madeline commands, emotion has left her voice. I highly doubt this is what she planned on doing today.

Not wanting to invoke the wrath of Madeline, I pick up where I left off…

…and stop at the end of chapter one.

I stare at the girl wide eyed. "…H-how…?" I can't manage anything else; my throat has gone dry.

-Sniff- I want my tomato back…

**AN: I must say, I enjoy writing these longer chapters. Any who! I finally figured out how I'm going to k- err, end this story. So expect rapid plot development and more cameos! By the way, I was describing Jhonen from the January comic con. I'm not sure if he's changed his hair again of not, but that's how I last saw him.**

**(I'm Madeline if you couldn't tell.)**

**Don't forget, _REVIEW! _Or I'll end up thinking you died or something.**

**Side note! This story has gotten to be thirty seven pages long on word without author comments! That's thirty pages of pure none sense! YAY!!!**


	23. Chapter 23

AN (agrivated narrator): Phew, it took me forever to get this chapter up! FF .net has been mpsing at me so that's what the delay was about... any who, enjoy this or don't. At this point I've really stopped caring, BUT STILL REVEIW!

**AN: In the last chapter the fourth wall was broken and some of you reader people complained. I'd just like to remind you that I am in no way forcing you to read this and, on more than one occasion, I've insulted this story myself. With that said, let's make this thing a freaking GAZEBO!!!**

**(Warning: This chapter is long and confusing. If you have something in the oven, attend to it now. If there's a monkey in your pants, use this chapter as a hypnosis devise.)**

Hope this confuses you more :D

"I can't tell you that." Madeline shakes her head slowly to emphasize her words.

"Huh?" I look at her side ways. "Then why'd you show me this?" I ask, shaking the paper lightly.

"Because I needed to distract you." Madeline answers plainly, uninterested in the conversation.

"Distract?" I begin to question, "Distract me from wha-" Suddenly, I'm not sure what but, something hard and moving very fast hits me in the back of the head. ((Suddenly Melidean has no vocabulary!))

_**POINT OF VIEW CHANGE!**_

**3****rd**** person-**

Melidean fell to the cold hard living room floor with a –thud- revealing Jhonen standing beside the couch holding a cooking pot.

"Quick!" Madeline hisses, "Before Johnny gets back!"

"You get her legs, I'll get her arms." Jhonen directs.

_**Black curtain… **_(You're not supposed to see this part.)

-Back to first person- (Several hours later)

"…munhh…" I let out a small moan and flutter my eyes open. ((Vocab.'s back.)) From what I can see—which is little—I'm in one of the basement rooms of Johnny's dungeon like house. If that weren't bad enough, I'm strapped into one of the contraptions.

This one has me locked in with two harnesses and my arms are being held away from me with more straps. There are sharp, saw like blades surrounding me from left, right, top and bottom. None in the front.

((Long and short, she's in the dealy Edgar was in. Or will be…))

"Finally!" Madeline moans. She's sitting in front of me on a simple wooden stool. "Jhonen!" She calls to the stair case behind her at the end of the room, "She's awake!"

"Okay, what the fuck is going on!?" I can't hold back my tongue.

"Don't you listen?" She pauses to think, "Oh, never mind. But Like I said, I can't tell you that."

"Why not? I don't se any scary man with a gun!" _What if Jhonen walked in with a gun? Eep!_

"Oh no, not with a gun." Madeline makes a little tsk tsk motion with her finger. "He has an arsenal of pointy things. Not fire arms."

"Jhonen?"

"You talking about me?" Just as I ask that, Jhonen walks in.

"No." Madeline sighs, "Melidean still hasn't figured it out."

"Figured out what!?" I whine, but my words go unnoticed.

"Can you just write that she finds out and get over with it?" Jhonen groans.

"You see, that's where our styles differ; I prefer to take it slow and describe what's going on rather than just drawing a picture." Madeline explains, waging a finger at the man.

_I feel like a little kid waiting for her mother and father to stop talking so I can say something. _I let out a sigh and look to the wall on my left; there's a painting of God knows what on it… I just tune the two out and escape into my own little world with just me and the landscape in the picture.

"Let's get down to business then, shall we?" Jhonen proposes, snapping me out of the abstraction of the painting.

_Business!? What business!? EEK!!!_

"We need you to piss Johnny off." Madeline states plainly, looking back at me.

"Why?"

"Because she's too lazy to think of a creative way to get rid of you." Jhonen says for her.

"No more questions, Dea." Madeline cautions me, "Or we'll have to do something about that tongue of yours."

I'd cup my hands over my mouth, but I don't have the use of my arms currently.

"My idea was for you to call him wacky," Jhonen says, "But Madeline didn't like that. Said it didn't go with your you-ness." He rolls his hand on the 'your you-ness'. "I didn't know there was even a such thing!"

"Well there is." Madeline is doing that little thing movie villains do with their hands. I'm sure if she had a white cat she'd be stroking it right now. "And I've come up with something that pertains to that you-ness."

"I'd ask what it is, but I'd like to keep my tongue." I answer softly; figure I might as well listen to what this person has to say seeing as I'm tied down.

"Well, first off, I'd like you to list off the items in your pockets." Madeline instructs.

I give her an odd look, but do as she commands, "I have a switch blade knife in my back pocket, my wallet, and…" I press my back up against the wall behind me, careful to avoid anything sharp, "…I think there's something else in there. A small cardboard… thing."

"That's right; I had Jhonen plant your knife back in place along with a carton of cigarettes." Madeline tells me. Jhonen winces a little at the sound of her saying his name.

"…Jhonen's here willingly…" I want to add 'right?' but again, I like my tongue.

"Hm!?" Madeline perks up at the /statement/ and looks me over once.

Jhonen opens his mouth to say something, but Madeline cuts him off, "That's not important right now. What is important is for you to listen and listen carefully. I'm going to let you go, but Jhonen will be lurking in the shadows, making sure you follow my orders."

"You still need to tell me these orders." I remind her, growing weary of her threats.

"Heh," Madeline sneers, "I was getting to that, and I forgot I made you so impatient." She says boredly.

I sigh at her word, "Just get to the fucking point." I demand, glaring at her.

"Such an angry thing," Madeline looks away and waves at me in a fake show of terror, "I will tell you in due time, but first," She gestures to Jhonen who in turn hands her a small book, "I want you to read this."

She gets up from her stool and peers into my eyes with an evil glimmer. Quickly, she unties my arm restraints and holds out the book for me. I desperately want to lash out at her but I know it would be a bad move so I just snatch the book from her and hold it out in front of me to see the title.

_Die-ary_

"You tried to read it before," Madeline reminds me, "You couldn't even finish a whole page!" She sneers again.

I want to say something, to object, but there's nothing I can say for fear of this strange woman.

"You couldn't stand to hear the true inner thoughts of someone you dare call 'friend'." She's not so much talking any more, she's growling.

"It's not like I couldn't have read more, Psycho dough boy interrupted me." I try to defend myself.

"You mean this?" Jhonen tosses Madeline the styrofoam dough boy with the word 'FUCK' painted across his chest. She taps on his left eye with her knuckle. "Nothing more than synthetic material." She says mockingly.

"Can't it turn it on and off or something?" I ask quickly, not sure if this is true or not.

"Hah!" She tsk, tsk's me again, "Remember your tongue, and no. That was just the crazy talking."

"Crazy?" I cock my head to the side to show my confusion.

"Tongue." She says coldly. I make a small squeaking sound in reply, shutting my mouth tight and curling my lips. Madeline begins to pace back and forth in front of me, "I want you to read that," She points to the diary, "but time might not allow it. Jhonen!" She calls, still looking at me.

"Yes?" He answers feebly.

She whips her head around, body still facing me, "Check to see if Johnny's ready."

He salutes shortly then runs off up the stairs, his boots pounding heavily on the old wooden stair case.

"Back to business." Madeline coos, slowly turning her head back to me. She gives me a toothy smile, evil glint still in her eyes. "The plan is for you to persuade our friend Nny to visit the rubble that remains of your house. From there you two will go down to the basement which is still intact. You'll start reminiscing or something and half way threw talking you'll pull the pack of cigarettes out and ask for a light. Johnny'll do the rest." She laughs shortly at the ground then looks up for my reaction.

Hoping to get a sign of humanity out of her, rather than giving her a natural reaction, I smile down at her. The one on her face is whipped off and replaced with a look of confusion.

"I hate you, you know that?" She asks in a quivering mono tone. I've caught her off guard, a bit more of this and she'll be bowing to me.

"I figured that, considering the situations you've put me in." I fluctuate the tone of my voice to make her uneasy. Luckily for me, Madeline can't stand the sound of it and covers her ears.

"Shut up!" She screams at the floor. ((I don't like it…))

"Heh." I snicker to myself. Returning to my normal voice, I torment her farther. "You're kicking yourself for not making me a smoker from the beginning. You started with the vaguest idea possible that you thought made sense at the time. Have you ever heard of the phrase, 'sleep on it'?"

Madeline has melted to her knees; I've experienced this whole story first hand, I didn't need to read it to know what she wrote. "Fuck off man, fuck off…" She moans to the floor boards.

"Oh, but I can't." This time I get to tsk tsk her. "Keep in mind; you're the one writing all of this. Technically, I have no control over myself; and that's why you hate me."

She doesn't answer, just cries into the wood. _Who's going to untie me?_ _Huh… I'm still holding Johnny's diary. Well that makes this just that much easier… _I sigh, seeing no point in the odd girl's tears.

"Uh, hey." I wave over at her, "You, having the emotional break down."

She looks up with a more innocent face than she had had before. "What?" She chokes.

"Seeing as I've managed to reduce you to tears, you mind letting me go?" I ask.

-sniff- "What ever made you think that?" She asks back, switching to sitting on her legs, rather than the floor its self.

"Hm!?" I raise an eye brow to her. "Well, I thought this would be a battle of wits. I've won…"

"That doesn't mean I'm letting you go."

"But you said earlier…"

"We're waiting for Jhonen." Her eyes have once more gone cold. She rises from the floor like a phoenix from its own ashes, "I must say, it was fun playing with you though."

"PLAYING!?" I'm some where between ripping her head off and chewing my own arms off. I'm not sure where that is, but some how I've ended up there.

"What?" Madeline asks innocently, as if she's just walked in the room. "I was bored." She shrugs and turns to the stair way, trying to peer up and see if Jhonen's coming.

The fire in my belly only grows stronger from those words. They were like candy to it. Putting the small book under my arm, I quickly go to work trying to untie myself while my captor isn't looking.

The first harness comes off easy; must not be the best bounding system in the world.

The second one… not so much. So pumped full of adrenalin, I forget about the world around me and start to snarl at the restraints.

Now as any normal person with ears would, Madeline looks over to see what it is that I'm doing to make so much noise.

"What's all this then?" She muses, slowly walking back over to me.

I bite the air in front of my face in place of her flesh to show that I'm not in the mood to deal with her.

Just as my teeth clack together, Jhonen stomps down the stairs and we can tell when he's still a ways away.

"I'd love to play some more, but I have business to attend to." With that, the girl who had been crying on the floor only moments earlier, skipped off out the door to meet a man considerably older than herself.

What ever happened to my donut?

**AN: I offer no explanation for the donut.**

**Okay, this took forever to write because (a) it's long! (b) I kept going back and changing things, and (c) FF .net was being mean to me. Since you're reading this, obviously I've figured out and fixed the problem.**

**Thank you and good night!**

_**REVIEW!!!**_

AN(see top): Thank you again, and another chapter should be up soon.


	24. Finally! After 24 chapters!

**AN: Hello again. I know, I just wrote a chapter, but I have another on e for you. I got fed up with writing in present tense, so this chapter is all in past tense, which is a bit fitting though, because this is the end. It's not the end of the story as a whole, just the end of Dea's part.**

The dreaded basement

_**-Off to third person ness once more!-**_

Out in the hall

"Is Johnny ready or do we have to wait?" The young girl asked the man in the rather dreary garb.

"Yeah, we should get her up there soon or we'll miss the window." Jhonen answered, going to open the door to the estranged torture chamber.

Mr. Samsa's point of view

_Hmm… Johnny has a new guest._ I thought as I crawled under the door of room 349. There was a new visitor strapped into one of my favorite death traps, she didn't look too happy and was trying to untie herself. _What a pity._

_Hmm? What's this now? The door is opening. _I scurried to the side to avoid being squashed. A man and what appeared to be his daughter or niece maybe, came walking in from the hall. _Does Nny know these people are in his house?_

Oh, they're talking-

"You remember to plan, yes?" Asked the younger girl to the one in the restraints.

"Yeah, I'm getting out of here then I'm kicking you in the teeth." She snarled from her place on the wall like a moose head ornament.

"Tsk, tsk. So violent. Don't you know I'm the one in control here?" The girl with the slightly curled brown hair asked in an amused tone.

_Ooo! Looks like something is brewing in the basement! Better go check on Nny! _

After crawling over the steps and under the door to the main level

_Hmm... Johnny looks happy… AND THERE'S SCRATCH MARKS ON THE COUCH! NO!!! I loved that couch!_ ((As you have probably noticed, yes, our little Sams-y friend is nuts too. It's a certain vibe this house sends off.))

"Hm!? Samsa? That you?" He asked me all be it I can't respond.

"Did you see the news?" He asked, that scary smile crossed his face as he pointed to the TV, "That was the best time I've ever had at a fast food joint." He noted with relish.

"Hey…" He said in a different tone, a tone I've heard all too many times and have grown to loath, "…do you want to die today?" He asked me, leaning down to my cockroachy little level.

I shook my head vigorously in a show of not wanting death to come. _Oww, it appears I've given myself a head ache._

"Too bad." And he squished me. Just like that. SQUISHED ME!!! _Garh… I hate it when he does that…_

Back to da main character person

"Speaking of which, why'd you give me the switch blade back? Don't you think I'd just use it against you?" I asked her, again not really sure what's going on.

"To add to the illusion that these things are happening all on their own, that we're not controlling them." She said very matter-a-fact-ly.

"Just let me out of here so I can die." I sighed, growing tired of this girl's games.

Switching points of view is fun! (Me now)

_Aww… She doesn't want to play._ "When you say it like that it doesn't sound fun at all!" I whined to her.

"Come on, there's not much time left." Jhonen reminded me.

"-sigh- Right. You ruin all my fun." I whined once more, "All right. Come along then Melidean." I let her down and because I can she didn't resist my power. ((I wanted to write that in all CAPITAL letters. :D))

"Get Johnny to kill me, got it." Dea said in much a mono tone.

"That's the spirit!" I pat her on the back rather hard making her lurk forward. She reached toward her back pocket but then relaxes her hand. ((Gears are turning in her mind! Woo!))

"Off you go then! Pretend it's improve!" I urged her encouragingly, at the same time pushing her to the door.

"Wait for me." Jhonen called to her, abandoning his boots so his steps would be silent.

Dea groaned and continued up the stairs, Jhonen slipping into the shadows behind her all spy style. _…Man, that line would have sounded a lot better with out the 'all spy style'. Garh!_

I stood there a moment, straining to hear the screams that usually echoed threw the basement. For some reason they have seemed to fall silent.

…_Hmm, I wonder if Jhonen would mind if I stole his boots…_

Melidean

_So let's see, I have to convince Johnny to visit the rubble that was once my house then give Jhonen the slip. Yeah, that's right._ I slowly opened the door to the main level and the first thing to catch my eye is a small smug on the floor that kind of looks like the remains of a cockroach or something; then Johnny sitting on the couch with his legs drawn to his chest, staring at the TV happily. He's got reddish brown stuff coating his face and clothes.

"Hey! Where've you been all this time?" He asked me, having his usual mid sentence mood swings.

"Huh? How long have I been gone? Has it really been all that long?" I honestly have no idea what time it is. I could have been in that basement for days!

"I haven't seen you since last night at the taco smell. What were you doing in the basement?"

"Oh, uh." _Improve, improve, improve! CRAP! I failed drama class! _"Uh, just exploring. You know, absorbing my new environment."

"Oh really? What do you think?" He asked me, something resembling pride in his voice.

"Oh, um. Very nice, I can see why you might want to put down carpet though; the ground is slippery in places." I know I'm talking faster than normal but he didn't seem to notice.

"So… you didn't notice anything out of the ordinary?" He asked, some what disappointed.

"Hm? Other than the quadruple floored-ness thing and the contraptions, no. Why?"

"Oh, nothing." He waved the question off. Just then my stomach growled. _Dang, I haven't eaten anything since that theater candy!_

"You want me to make us some lunch?" He offered.

"Sure, but first I'd like to see what ever happened to my old house." _That didn't sound very natural… Grr… that Madeline person isn't a very good god._ ((I know, I'm awful. Okay, I'll shut up now.))

"Sounds like fun! A visit to the good old pile of rubble! We could bring a picnic!" Johnny said excitedly, jumping up off the couch.

"Let's do it!" I yelped happily, his moods are contagious!

After some packing of an out of place picnic basket, we go on our way a few yards down the street. Back to what used to be known as street address 791. What was once my beautiful lawn now has tire marks all over it and is littered with stray clumps of dirt and house debris. I can't help but sigh despite Johnny's happy go lucky mood.

"Dea?" He stops walking and looks back at me, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just I've… well I had lived here for over ten years, it's kind of hard to let all that time go." I sighed again, reminiscences coming over me.

Now's as good a time as any for a flash back, don't you think?

**A small girl with deep green hair in sitting on a hill not much bigger than the average swing set. She's just sitting there, watching the clouds float past. What's this? Some one's coming. Another girl. This one has more normally colored hair, but it's still dyed that way. BRIGHT RED! Woo!**

"**Hey Melidean!" Chirped the 'red head'.**

"**Hey Claire. What's new?" Melidean asked, offering Claire a seat next to her.**

"**Not much." She took a seat on the grass next to her friend, "That Jimmy kid was bugging me again but I pushed him in the mud so it's all good."**

"**That kid scares me. His skin is so…" She stopped mid sentence and shuttered. "UHG! I don't even want to think about it!"**

"**Tell me about it. At least he doesn't know where you live." Claire said, joining in her shuttering.**

"**Yeah, that's something to be thankful for."**

"**MADDY! Get in here! I made toast!" Called the raspy voice of Melidean's mother from the back door.**

**Melidean sighed, "It's Melidean, mom! You're the one that named me that!" She called back, standing up off the knoll. "Come on Claire. I'm hungry."**

"**I hope she didn't accidentally put glass in the butter again." Claire followed as Melidean lead her inside.**

Ahh, the memories

Third person

Johnny has left Dea to her reminiscence and has set up the picnic on the hill from the flash back behind the pile of rubble.

"You coming Dea?" He called to her from the back yard.

"Oh, right." She said, looking up from the spot on the side walk she had been staring at.

"Isn't that cement just **so** interesting?" Johnny asked jokingly as she joined him on the blanket.

"Heh, sorry, I just remembered this one time my friend Claire and I were hanging out back here."

"That's nice. Cheese or no?" He asked, pulling sandwich ingredients out of the picnic basket.

"Uh, none for me."

They enjoyed their sandwiches and talked for a while… Nothing of real relevance. Jhonen held his place in the shadows, getting grass stains on his socks. Eventually he got bored, and tired of seeing Johnny so content. He threw a small pebble at Dea's head, just big enough so that she'd feel it, but small enough not to hurt.

She looks back in the direction the pebble had come from but saw nothing but the side of the house next door.

"Hey," She said, looking back at Johnny, "Let's go see the basement! You showed me yours, I should show you mine."

"Alright." They abandoned the picnic and approached the rubble. The large doors that seem to stick out of the ground which lead to the basement were the only thing that wasn't berried. "Ladies first." Johnny said, holding the door up for Dea.

"Such a gentle man." Dea laughed, descending the cold concrete stairs.

The basement of Dea's house is much the opposite of Johnny's. Carpet on the floor, paint on the walls, a little ceramic burger boy on an end table, a HUGE computer on the far wall. Now when I say HUGE I mean gargantuan. This thing is a behemoth of computers. One screen about three feet by two and a half. Tubes and wires every where. A key board the size of you average counter top with just about every symbol you could imagine, even some keys in different languages. Kind of like something in a super villain's lair. Isn't that just neat?

Johnny stared in aww for a moment, not sure what to make of the scene.

"Cool, isn't it?" Dea asked proudly.

Johnny's jaw dropped in reply.

"It took me five years to make. Come to think of it, I started working on it the week you left." She ran her hand over the top of the key board over the section of Arabic letters. "A lot happened after you left, actually." She added slowly, a hint of sadness creeping into her vioce.

"Like what?" Johnny asked, coking his head to the side. He knew he was disconnected from the outside world, but not from his best friend.

"Well, after the principal of our high school 'died', the school was closed down and a shared feeling of paranoia spread over the whole city. My mom left me here all alone. Claire disappeared one day, kind of like you did; only Claire turned up in an alley way a week later with a slit throat." Dea stopped and looked down at the carpet where her foot steps had worn a path over time.

"When did your mom leave?" Johnny asked probingly, not really catching on the how painful these memories were to Dea.

"A-about three years ago, I think. I spent a lot of time down here, some times weeks at a time not going up stairs. One day I went up to get a band-aid—I cut my thumb on a tin can—and she wasn't there. There was just a note taped to the door that said, 'Your father came back, don't expect me home for a few…' I think she ment to write more, but I think she was being rushed…" Dea kept her eyes down the whole time, very unsure of her own words.

"Wow…" Johnny could really say nothing more. He didn't remember his parents, but at least he didn't have to deal with them abandoning him. There was a bit of an awkward pause in which Dea heard a slight bushing sound near the door.

"Di-did you ever go looking for her? Call the police? Anything like that?" Johnny asked, contemplating what Dea must have done the day he had left.

"I've never met my father. I don't want to meet him anytime soon." Dea reached for her back pocket, actually warming up to the idea of having a cigarette to calm her down about now. She didn't want to talk about this stuff, much less have it be her last conversation with Johnny. She pulled the carton out of said pocket and patted her front pocket 'looking' for a lighter. She cursed under her breath and asked, "Nny, do you have a light?"

His eye twitched.

the **dreaded** basement

One can only assume what must have happened between being in Dea's basement and being in the third level of Johnny's. The world may never know. What the world **does** know is that now Dea is strapped to a table with a jar full of bugs—everything from beetles to centipedes—strapped around her head with the opening in her mouth.

The last coherent thing she heard before she died was from Johnny's lips. Something along the lines of, "You've lost your way. Smoking. It sickens me to think of how far astray you've been led. Not only that, you're a whore, too." Then the slamming of the old wooden door. After that, nothing but screams. Screams and the light pitter patter of Jhonen's feet as he retreated to the room Madeline was still in.

Her last thought was, _"I should have gone house hunting in the other direction… AHH!!! A centipede just crawled down my throat!"_

She choked to death.

The Vargas room

"Did it all go as planned?" Madeline asked as Jhonen walked back in.

"Almost." Jhonen said, hanging his head a bit.

"'Almost.'? What went wrong?" She asked again.

"Dea didn't give Johnny the Reverend." Jhonen answered with concern in his voice.

"Oh, well that's no biggy. I have an easy write over for that." Madeline waved off the concern and pulled out a lap top.

Upstairs

Johnny lay there of the bloodied floor of his home, writing in the Die-ary of his. His most resent entry being, _"Dear Die-ary, Today some friends came over."_

He stood up with a last tiny whimper from the dog he had been using as a pillow. "Hmm… I should probably go get that picnic basket…" He thought aloud. Following his own suggestion, he left the house and traveled the short distance between his house and the late Dea's old pile of brick and dry wall.

After he packed up the picnic basket with what remained of the food and the blanket, he stood on to of the hill and took in the view. In front of him was the back of the house behind our good old pile of stuff, it was just an ordinary suburban home. Nothing remarkable at all. It had been two days now and they still hadn't so much as noticed the destroyed house behind theirs.

"People can be so oblivious to their own environment." He sighed.

For what ever reason, Nny felt compelled to go back down into Dea's basement. The only rational reason he could come up with really was to maybe find a will or something.

Regardless of the improbability of finding such a thing, he descended the stair way. He found himself, once again, captivated by the sculpture that was the massive computer. He thought _how nice it would be if I told every contact on her computer that she had met an untimely end. Gave them some closure or something. _Then he laughed. He laughed so hard his sides started to hurt. "Oh, I kill myself." He sighed happily. "Any way, back to what I think I'm doing." He spoke to himself, something he'd adopted doing after so much time living alone.

After rummaging threw a mini fridge, something caught his eye. That little ceramic burger boy. Johnny's eyes narrowed to mere slits. _There's something I don't like about that burger boy…_

_**There's something I hate about you.**_

_So you're a voice too, ah?_

_**I think that's apparent.**_

_Indeed._

Nny had learned not to question these types of things in his life at this point, so he picked up the burger boy and made his way back home. Only to leave the small idol on a vanity in the basement, in the very same room where Dea lay dead on a table.

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

**AN: Phew! I'm glad to finally have that done. See, it does make sense! …sort of. Well, just so you don't get all sad that the story is over, it's not. I've decided to either do a prequel or a story from Claire's point of view that would include Dea, Johnny, and Jimmy. Maybe even some more minor characters. But I did follow the JtHM story line. This is from the comic directly after the taco smell one. It doesn't really fit Dea's ((I almost typed Dead:P)) description but it is there.**

**Don't forget to **_**review! **_**It makes Madeline happy!**


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